One Technique That Helps With Insomnia
I don’t usually have problems getting to sleep, but I can often wake up in the night, and the quiet means my mind has free reign to think about all the things I didn’t think about in the day, because I was busy.
One technique that helps me get back to sleep and stops my mind chattering is taken from Internal Family Systems therapy.
It’s based on the premise that we have parts inside us. Often these parts have been formed in childhood, to adapt to various situations, or taken from our culture and how we are forced to socialise.
Some of these parts have a function to keep us safe. IFS calls these Protectors. They are often protecting the inner child parts of us that they call Exiles. These protectors don’t know that we have grown up now and are still doing their job to protect us, even if their process is outdated.
Take for instance, we probably have a part of us that tells us not to talk with our mouth full, or not to speak back to a policeman. You get the drift. It keeps us in line.
For some of us that part can be relentless and tormenting, if people in our lives were hard on us, we have internalised these voices.
What we can do is show those parts compassion, in order to appreciate their job within us. We don’t have to fight those inner parts or get rid of them, which is what we might have a tendency to want to do.
At night when I wake up, I notice what part is talking, its usually the worrier, so I centre myself, drop into my heart, and thank that part for worrying for me. I tell her she’s been doing that for many years and taken so much on her shoulders, and thank you for keeping me safe. But “I got this”, she can let go for a bit and let me sort things.
Often she’s only too glad to do this, but only if she knows that you’re not going to drop the ball.
I may notice other parts inside me coming up in response to this conversation, like there might be a part that says, “you’re not strong enough to sort this”, I tell that part that I have resources now that she may not know about, like I could call in any number of deities. I send these parts love, like I would feel about a child or a pet.
The goal is not to disarm the protectors to get to the exiles they are protecting, but to just give them some time off so I can get back to sleep.
Usually somewhere in this process I have such huge relaxation, my mind calms down and I’m back to sleep in no time. Often in a much deeper sleep than if I hadn’t done the process.
Do you have a process that helps you get to sleep?
Postscript 2021: I have since learned Focusing and this deals with parts and being kind to them.
Comments
Carlana
Very interesting post, Kate. I am generally so tired to my bone when I head to bed that I’m asleep long before my head his the pillow, so I don’t have a process.
Michele Eisenberg
Love what you wrote about bringing compassion to our parts, Kate…this is so important. The other thing I do is keep a pencil and notepad on my nightstand so that I can write down (in the dark, of course) the flow of things that need to be added to my to do list, or ideas that pop into my mind in the middle of the night. Often, just writing these down so I know I won’t forget them, makes it easy to then go back to sleep.
Mystic Comfort
This is SO good, Kate!! Due to an unfortunate childhood, I have an inner protector who thought it might be better to stay awake and alert. I am working on getting her to retire, and we have lots of conversations about how everything’s okay now. We review what keeps us safe, etc. I think it helps! Now if I could just give her an earlier bedtime…
Mystic Comfort
I forgot to share what I do to get sleepy. I use crystals, for the most part, along with magnesium lotion at times. My danburite is really good!! And I have a crystal pouch that goes to bed with me.
hemalradia
> Well its a wee journey how I got there, I watched this wonderful series on Sounds True about self acceptance, and they described alot about self compassion and how to do it. And the IFS was one of the ways. Ive had huge shifts in my healing from doing it. Sort of helps neutralise the power of the inner judge and saboteur.
Yes, I think it’s great, and there are so many variations and ways you can use it and can create your own.
Deb Dutilh
Kate,
This is really timely. I’ve been waking up and not falling back asleep recently, something that is very unusual and disturbing. That is when the inner child kicks in with a litany of urgent worrisome messages. Since I also do dream work with my clients, this is even more helpful. Thanks for the tips!Rachel Lavern
Hi Kate,
Fortunately, I do not need a ‘process’ to get to sleep other than to drag myself to bed (there just do not seem to be enough hours in my day). Head hits pillow and I am usually out within five minutes.Rachel recently posted The 16 Habits of Highly Unsuccessful People
T. A. Woods
Such an interesting post! I often have problems getting to sleep, and I generally wake up in the middle of the night. I take melatonin, but I don’t want to use it indefinitely. I’ll have to pay more attention to myself and figure out what is keeping me up.
hemalradia
It’s ironic you mention this, Kate, about working with ‘parts’. I’ve been re-visiting that and working with it (and probably teaching it tomorrow) in the last few days lol 🙂