Self Empathy – The Healing Power of Witnessing
In many healing modalities witnessing what is happening on the inner level is the healing. The changes happen on the inner planes, we see the changes in our minds eye, or feel or hear them, which helps create the transformation.
It’s more than just perceiving something has changed and so therefore we have a new belief about ourselves because of what’s changed.
Relationship is Key
A big part of that change is about the relationship we have with what’s going on. So, if you are feeling anxious, if you are feeling angry, it’s how you relate to that anxiousness and that anger that helps the energy to transform.
Whether it be through EFT/tapping, calling in a higher power, sending it Love, or stuffing it down and trying to numb out, or distracting yourself.
Witness By Others
Having our life witnessed by another is such a powerful validation of who we are, whether it be a therapist, a friend, a partner. Being seen with loving eyes, is so accepting and nourishing. How we see ourselves reflected in another’s eyes, originally our mother’s eyes, is how care for ourselves. We can relax into ourselves.
But how do we do that for ourselves?
Who Is Doing The Observing?
When you are aware of the anxiousness, the anger, have you thought about the eyes that are seeing that anger? How are you perceiving it? What are you saying to yourself? Are you criticising yourself? Are you looking at yourself through harsh eyes?
It’s not just the anxiousness, the anger that is the issue, it’s how you see it, as to how it transforms.
So, take an issue you have at the moment, check in with your body right now, what are you feeling, is there tightness in your chest? Is your belly tight? Are your shoulders tight? What are you feeling emotionally? What’s on your mind? Think about who is doing the watching, who is perceiving how you are feeling or what you are thinking?
So I want you to go down into your heart and take one step back and imagine you are a loving being, the most loving being you know, the most unconditional love you can imagine, it might be a fairy godmother, a deity, a pet, imagine they are looking at the part of you that is looking at yourself. Can you see from that vantage point how you are viewing yourself? Can you feel the Love? Can you relax into those loving eyes?
Maybe your observed part is scared of the tight belly, maybe your witnesser is trying to manage your emotions so they don’t show to others, or maybe your observer is shaming you out, or criticising you?
So from that loving vantage point, how would it be to soothe the observer, to say something like “I know you are keeping an eye on things, and I know you don’t always feel you know how to deal with what’s happening, you’re probably feeling you have to get it right so things don’t get out of control, but its ok to take a rest, its ok to switch off. Nothing bad is going to happen. You’re safe and I love you.”
How does that impact the part of you that is witnessing what’s going on in your body, emotions and thoughts?
How is your body feeling after that? The original tightness, the original issue?
It may feel like mental gymnastics, but witnessing the observer and helping to transform the eyes you see yourself with, really impacts how you deal with whatever issues in your life you are trying to heal.
How would it be to see ourselves through the eyes of Love and self-soothing. To speak words to yourself that flow from those loving eyes.
What can you do to help soothe the part of you that is witnessing yourself?