Are You Looking For Power Outside Of Yourself?
And I woke up Easter Friday and was angry as hell.
It’s nice that it’s quiet and there’s an extended long weekend, but NZ closes the shops except for essential services. Not that I need to go shopping, but I wondered why the State felt it still needed to enforce closures for a religious reason, when we are a multi cultural society now, and we certainly don’t close the shops to honour other cultural beliefs.
I thought about how a lot of the biggest anguishes in my life have been around Christian beliefs and their impact on me. I can get attacked online daily in my job for what I do, and I mean visiously, I have learnt to deal with it, but it’s been a process dealing with this.
I got to thinking that the Church doesn’t like independent connections to God, which is what I get accused of. That my connection to God should come through a Man. Be it a Minister or Jesus.
I realised that was how I was raised in my family. That my father demanded the power and in order to have permission we had to go through him. His word was law.
Which is patriarchal.
It’s the same anguish I have lived with in healing my pain from having an abortion. I have forgiven myself, I feel that God always forgives, but I felt society wouldn’t forgive me.
Even the Doctor I visited to organise the abortion gave me the Christian spiel about how what I was doing was wrong. Very unethical but I did feel I attracted it for this healing journey.
So how do I view society?
But it’s not.
I thought about my soul’s journey, if this is the family and society I chose to incarnate into, then I must have been wanting to heal this lesson of having power through a man and the punishment I received in past lives at the hands of the Church.
So in centuries past, society was very much about having to obey the Church or be killed.
If you don’t do as other people want, or you aren’t liked for some reason, then the finger could be pointed at you. Even if you were innocent. Often you didn’t stand a chance against punishment and death.
So better to obey than be outcast, humiliated, or killed.
Are you paralysed with a need to people please?
Do you have a fear of inner authority?
Do you feel anxiety or fear at the thought of using your inner knowing?