How To Forgive Yourself When You Really, Really Did Something Wrong
Something that hurt another – maybe seriously. Or somethingthat hurt yourself so badly that other people were affected
Lets look at it a little closer.
First, you did something wrong. A wrong was committed.No argument there. Any jury in the land would agree; you were wrong to do what you did.
Well, okay, you made a mistake. But it’s also a mistake to not forgive yourself. If you don’t forgive yourself, then
you are also committing another wrong.
Do two wrongs make a right?
Am I going to compound my first wrong with a second wrong?
Many people would. Because it’s the easy way out. It’s so much simpler and easier to just judge yourself and punish yourself rather than to honestly dig deep and look at the situation in the light of day.
When you judge anything you freeze it into place. Judgments are designed to avoid pain and avoid responsibility and to punish either yourself or another.
It’s way too easy to judge. Responsibility, on the other hand, seems difficult and unpleasant. And I have to be responsible if I want to forgive myself for this crime I really did commit that hurt myself and others.
But if I don’t forgive then I’m taking the coward’s way out. I know it doesn’t seem that way. It seems like forgiveness is the copout, and the ‘manly’ thing to do is to suffer for my sins. Even if I’m a woman!
And I use the word ‘manly’ because lack of forgiveness is a function of chauvinism. Unfortunately, chauvinism is a living, breathing energy. It exists independently of you and me. And it’s MUCH more than a man dominating a woman. That’s only the tip of the iceberg!
If you look carefully at modern society, you’ll see we’re immersed so deeply into chauvinism and domination that it’s hard to even imagine living any other way. Whether you’re a man or a woman…. most likely you feel the effects of chauvinism in a profound way.
Suffering… struggling… punishing…. these are all functions of chauvinism. Chauvinism says you’re SUPPOSED to suffer for your sins. And forgiveness doesn’t really mean anything anyway. Suffering holds value. While forgiveness is avoiding the suffering and punishment you deserve. That’s the lie of chauvinism.
And that’s the backdrop of why it’s so hard to forgive yourself even under the best of circumstances.
Because we’ve all been so conditioned to believe the lies of chauvinism.
If you want to forgive yourself for this very real crime, then you’re going to have to be RESPONSIBLE for your crime. You’ll have to ‘own’ it. Ownership and responsibility are the exact opposites of copping out. They require you to think and feel; to dig deep; to look closer; to make evaluations.
You bring your crime closer if you wish to forgive. You have to understand it and FEEL it – not judge it.
And remember, there’s no understanding in judgment! When you freeze it into place, you can never resolve it. You keep the pain and the past alive when you judge your crimes.
Chauvinism by its very nature is always cowardly. It doesn’t want you to think and feel and evaluate and be responsible. Chauvinism wants you to punish and judge yourself. Chauvinism wants you to turn against yourself – and NOT do the responsible thing – which involves knowing yourself more, and therefore being able to forgive and heal.
So which road will you take?
More loving and healing? Or more punishment and suffering?
The choice is always up to you.
If you’re ready to take the path of healing and growing and changing then click on the link below –
Thanks to Mark I Myhre for this excerpt.