This past year I have been looking at Duality. Sun/Moon. Kidneys/Adrenals. Yin/Yang. Male/Female. Left side of the brain/right side of the brain. Head/Heart.
As I move down deeper into my core issues, I notice that whenever I want to take a side about something, a stance, the other side will show up for me as well. Either in my thought process or in my environment. Some might call that wishy washy, or sitting on the fence. Maybe one doesn’t come without the other. Maybe light doesn’t come without darkness and darkness doesn’t come without light.
In wanting to make sense of things in my life, perhaps I dug in too hard in wanting to be right, for a fear of being wrong.
Right = Good. Wrong = Bad
Should I say something and risk getting it wrong? Do I have to be in my head all the time wanting to make sure I get it right? Is it good to say something? Would it be bad, and I hurt someone?
Bottom line I realised is Judgment. And with judgment comes punishment. We all judge others, but are we able to drop down underneath it and see why we are judging? Why are we making the other person wrong and ourselves right? What do we ever gain other than hatred in our heart and separation?
When we judge, punishment follows after that. You did this therefore I’m not talking to you. You did that therefore you’re not getting any candy.
The Conflict of Duality
In healing the after effects of the abortion I had 12 years ago, I have explored so many angles, I could never take a side because all sides have valid points. The feminist view, the Christian view. The Soul view. The human view. Each view I learned alot, but I could never move on in my heart, because once I settled on one view, it wasn’t long before the other views showed up as well.
I also unearthed in my genealogy research that I had ancestors who were slave owners. I found that a really hard pill to swallow. The energy was very much still alive. And then I discovered in exploring duality, that in fact there were white slaves as well as black slaves. In Britain and Europe white slavery was rife.
My Great Uncle was killed in WW1, in France, by a German soldier, he never returned home. And in exploring my family history my first therapist who was a family constellations therapist, was German.
For certain reasons, I wanted to take a feminist stance in my life, and I gave birth to two sons.
I have suffered at the tongue of Christianity, I found Paganism and Sufism in my life, my lesson appears to be learning Religious tolerance.
There will always be injustices, there will always be wrongs to be righted, there will be fighting, and wars, as we evolve. I see them as two sides of the same coin though.
With Sufism I have found Mercy and Compassion. Especially towards myself.
So all the unforgiveness in my heart, for all the things that have happened where I have been wronged, I realise now that I can let people off the hook. Especially myself. After all they are just all players in my Drama. It doesn’t mean I have to have them in my life though.
I see now I was never meant to stay mourning the abortion all my life, suffering and judging myself, punishing myself, trying to find a solution, and judging others in the process. Even if it was unconscious.
I would go to a Soul level and reason that it was my life lesson, it was the contract I had with that Soul, for whatever reason.
But I was really missing the deepest lesson.
It’s about letting myself off the hook, and having compassion for what I went through. Whether it’s right or wrong. Without Compassion and Mercy, we stay stuck in the hatred of judgment.
This lesson of Mercy and Compassion could be easy if we only had Mother Teresa’s in our life. But could we find Mercy for Adolf Hitler? I don’t want to offend anyone with this point, but you get what I mean. It might take a lifetime though.
Could you let yourself and other’s off the hook and not have hatred in your heart, using it as your battle armour any longer?
I’m not wanting to bypass the grieving process here, you may not be able to go from numbed out or angry, or grief stricken, to Mercy and Compassion as a way to avoid the pain.
But ultimately Mercy and Compassion are a choice.
Next time you find yourself judging yourself or someone else, or a situation, tell yourself it’s neither right nor wrong. It’s neither good nor bad.
You can put your sword down.
How does that make you feel?