The Most Painful Goodbyes Are The Ones Never Said
I have this quote by Rumi as my signature in my email – “Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.”
It feels comforting for me to know that at a heart level I have a connection to my friend who passed away 3 months ago.
But I was spiritually bypassing. Avoiding my emotions and going into the spiritual realms too fast.
A lot of my inner conflicts are based in my neck. The junction between mind and body.
I have been doing a lot of acupressure lately for different issues I have and the release points all seem to be in my neck. The flood gates have opened.
I have written before that my friend and I had daily contact for 26 years, a lot of that was by email. We didn’t have to speak because we just knew each other so well.
But there in lay the problem.
We didn’t speak.
Near the end we would talk on viber, but still it wasn’t fully connecting at that heart/throat chakra level.
She went downhill so fast that I never got to actually say Goodbye. That’s why Rumi’s quote was comforting, but still I was avoiding.
Speaking Out Loud
I’ve been doing a Sufi healing mentorship course and Dr Jaffe made it clear that it was important to speak your feelings to the person involved. I realised that I had been avoiding talking from my heart for so long.
It was safer to talk from my head. Its how we talk in my family of origin, and speaking in a passive, non threatening way was how I drew less attention to myself and survived. It was also easier to write my feelings than actually speak them.
All is not lost though, you can still speak your feelings, even if the person is gone, or if the person is just not able to handle you speaking your feelings.
So I started talking, to the open space around me, imagining I was talking to my friend, I sobbed Goodbye, I realised that I couldn’t say Goodbye to her because I had so many Goodbyes stored up inside me that I had never spoken.
Those Goodbyes don’t go away, they are waiting to be spoken and released. I remembered something I heard decades ago, the sentences you haven’t expressed are sentencing you.
I had never said Goodbye to my ex 7 years ago. We had an initial conversation when we broke up and then we never spoke, all dealings were by email. I realised I had spent 10 years with this man and never said Goodbye.
I had never said Goodbye to the baby I aborted 13 years ago. I had never actually said those words. I had done so many processes and released her on so many levels, but I had never spoken those words.
Saying those words and speaking your truth allows those feelings to release from your body, otherwise you could end up with any number of illnesses.
A Heart Connection
I feel as if I have moved from the shock of my friend dying to a lovely warm feeling in my heart of connection. I was still stuck in the shock of her passing, which affects the spleen, the shock absorber in life, and I can move out of that stuckness on an emotional level to a bit more ease in my heart, which is where the Soul connection is felt.
I know this is a process, and I may have to revisit saying Goodbye all over again, but I feel more able to say those words now as there’s not so much of a backlog anymore.
I love the etymology of the word Goodbye. It means God Be With Ye.
Is there someone you haven’t said Goodbye to?
Heres a video from my favourite movie –