Why You Don’t Believe Someone When They Say They Love You!
Have you ever been in a relationship where someone tells you they love you and even though you hear the words, you just don’t believe them?
Whether it is because you just don’t trust that the person is telling the truth, they have another agenda, or because no one deep down could possibly love you if they knew who you really were.
So you dismiss it.
You reject it.
You don’t take the words in. You don’t believe them.
Approval seeking is something we did from an early age to win our parents love. We notice that when we please them they respond better. So if we can just work out what they want then we can be and do it and they will approve of us and love us.
It’s ingrained in us to meet an outer standard. We have to do it at school and we soon learn that if we measure up we get rewarded.
In a relationship, whether it be romantic or not, you try to win someone’s love by trying to work out who they want you to be and then you try to be it. He likes soccer and so you stand on the sideline watching him play even though you would rather be at home reading a book. She likes romantic movies and you can’t stand them but you go anyway.
By being focused on winning someone’s love you cut yourself off from yourself and you are “other” focused.
When you’re “other” focused you lose yourself, and in trying to be what that person wants you to be, you know deep down that they are only loving who you are pretending to be. You aren’t sure they even know who you really are because you haven’t shown that part of yourself.
Lack of Trust
So, you don’t trust this person really loves you when they say they love you because you have been showing them what they wanted to see, not your true self.
Here is a great book that changed my life in the way that I relate to myself and the self abandonment that comes from losing yourself.